(Going To A) Cruel Country

Cruel Country was one of the band names I considered when I started the SunYears project. It had a nice ring to it with the double ‘C’ and could mean many things with different connotations. Then Wilco dropped an album with the same name, and I had to rethink.

Instead, I used it as the working title for the instrumental piece that eventually became “Two Birds, Mid-Flight” but it never really fit. However, the phrase stuck with me and ended up in this song. The ‘country’ here is not an actual cruel country, though God knows there are plenty of those in the world. It also has nothing to do with country music. It’s about facing your inner demons, revisiting places of the past, reliving memories, and, in doing so, moving forward in life, figuring out who you are and why you became who you are.

It has a lot to do with childhood, obviously. I had a loving, supportive nuclear family and a larger, close-knit extended family with grandparents and uncles nearby in a small village in the heart of Sweden, northern Dalarna. But despite that, there were tough experiences that shaped me. Going back to those physical places (which, despite having lived in Stockholm for most of my life, I still consider my spiritual home) reminds me of feelings and events from the past. Walking past the school, through the woods – you can’t hide. Everyone knows who you once were before you became who you are.

A lot of this is taken straight from my diary. Even though it rhymes, I haven’t changed it. It’s about feeling like you don’t fit in. Maybe about still not really fitting in anywhere. But now, instead of struggling with that feeling, I thrive on it. I feel empowered by it.

I wanted this to be a raw, lo-fi indie rock powerhouse – straight out of my ’90s roots. Really letting loose. Not holding back. It’s melodic as always, with a Beach Boys quality, but also something almost slacker-grungy, like Sebadoh or Yo La Tengo when they really rock. That’s something I rarely put on tape obviously. It was a joy to do.

I actually had to ask Kyle Crane to hit harder on the drums for this. That must be a first! Drummers usually have to be asked to hit softer. Andreas wasn’t there when we recorded it, so Kyle and I did it White Stripes-style, and Andreas Nordell overdubbed bass and vocals later.

That little key change we did, Eurovision-style, is a nifty trick that really lifts the song halfway through. There’s also some white-noise Moog that you can feel more than hear, but it’s still important. That trick, of course, comes from I Want You (She’s So Heavy) By The Beatles.

Credits